Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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