he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
