i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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