dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
