Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
