you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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