He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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