My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
