What did we do last night that was yellow?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
