This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
