you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
