does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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