Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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