I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
