the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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