im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
