So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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