i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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