i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
