it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
