Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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