So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
