Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
