Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
