I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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