Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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