my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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