Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
