I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
