youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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