i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
