you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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