so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
