Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
