True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She told me I should be a condom model.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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