SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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