i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
