he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize