OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish they made helmets for livers.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
