I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
