I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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