Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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