i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
do nipples grow back?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
