Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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