where am i from again
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
