Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize