I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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