Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
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i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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