the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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