tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
