Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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