please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
