I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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