I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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