i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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