Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
