just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
