And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
