Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
