Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
