He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
