Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
