Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
