it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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