hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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