I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
